I GO HOME TOMORROW!!!!
Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay! Yay!
I packed all my clothes this morning. I pack my toiletries tomorrow, after my shower. We're probably going to pack all the stuff we're taking that's not clothes tonight when I get home from school, which also ends today. I think Jerry has his stuff packed - if he doesn't, he sure as heck better do it tonight. We're not taking too much other stuff with us. A concrete tile that says "Moms Garden" for Pam. A bottle of soda Da really liked that's not available in Texas. Little stuff. That shouldn't take too long, and then we'll be READY TO GO HOME!!! My friend Rachel is going to drive us to the airport, then stop by each day to walk Cody and feed everyone. We're returning the favor when she goes out of town next month.
On a not so good note, I finally had to see a chirpractor. My back was getting painful enough that I occasionally needed Jerry to help me stand up because it hurt so much. I may be a stubborn cuss, but even I know when to concede a point. I found a chiropractor online that had a free 1st appointment coupons, including x-rays, and scheduled an appointment for this past Monday. He did the x-rays and a nerve test - the nerve test showed a couple of pretty bad problems, and he said to come back Tuesday to see the x-rays. So I went back yesterday, and he wouldn't show me the x-rays because he wanted Jerry in there with me when he explained them. That's scary. He did say I had completely lost the lordosis in my cervical spine (that's the curve in my neck, for those who don't know anatomy), and I have a small sidways curve in my lower spine (he didn't use the word scoliosis, but isn't that what that is?). So I have to go back in there today, with Jerry. It means missing yet more school, but what can I do? He did do a quick adjustment yesterday, and I slept better than I have in weeks. I'm going to let him know that today. I'm not really worried that I have anything that can't be fixed - I have every faith the Dr. James can fix whatever I have that's wrong with me. What concerns me is cost. At $35 a pop, I can't afford 2-3 adjustments every week or anything like that. I'd like to be fixed, but with no health insurance at this point, I don't know if it's going to happen. We'll see.
That's about it for now, I guess. I'll know more once I've actually seen the x-rays.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
I Give Up
I'm no longer going to be angry that a complete idiot does something stupid. Since she's a complete idiot, of course she's going to stupid stuff. It's taken as read. So, what's the point in getting mad?
I had to leave Swedish class early yesterday, which I hate doing, but I felt so sick. I was lying prone and suddenly got very nauseous and dizzy. The dizziness sort of passed, but I really didn't feel up to working on Stephon. I felt bad, but he wasn't upset. Gil, my instructor, told me to go home and feel better. I had a devil of a time getting to sleep, but I felt much better in the morning. The feeling of disconnection is starting to come back, though. I feel... a little disoriented, I guess. Like the world around me isn't quite real and I don't know what I'm doing here. Hopefully it will pass quickly so I won't feel this way when I go home next week. Whatever. Peace.
I had to leave Swedish class early yesterday, which I hate doing, but I felt so sick. I was lying prone and suddenly got very nauseous and dizzy. The dizziness sort of passed, but I really didn't feel up to working on Stephon. I felt bad, but he wasn't upset. Gil, my instructor, told me to go home and feel better. I had a devil of a time getting to sleep, but I felt much better in the morning. The feeling of disconnection is starting to come back, though. I feel... a little disoriented, I guess. Like the world around me isn't quite real and I don't know what I'm doing here. Hopefully it will pass quickly so I won't feel this way when I go home next week. Whatever. Peace.
Monday, March 31, 2008
New Hobbies and a Great Store
Okay, so I've found a new hobby - beading. Not applique beading; I've done that before and found it somewhat wanting. No, I'm talking about making things entirely out of beads - like jewelry and stuff. This weekend Jerry and I each made a little 2"x3" tapestry of a dragon. It's so cute! It took a really long time - about 8 hrs from start to finish. Quite a long time for something so small, but it was so much fun! I'm trying to start on a new, larger tapestry, but I'm having trouble getting the pattern just right. It's going to be an iridescent grey-scale dragon on a black & white background. I'm thinking of doing it about 7"x11". Jimmy is writing a research paper on dragons, and I think I'll loan it to him for that. But I want it back, lol!
It was Adriana at the Green Dragon that got us hooked on it. The Green Dragon is a hobby store about 5 minutes from our house. They have all our addictions - DnD, some 40K, books/comics, and now, beads. They also have some pagan stuff, too. Plus, the folks who own the place are awesome. Very friendly, helpful, and generous w/ discounts when you need them. I found a set of amethyst runes that were absolutely calling to me, and they lowered the price enough for me to buy them. I've studied, but one of my main books disappeared. Grr.
Other than that, my weekend was pretty uneventful. Read some. Played w/ the animals. Made lasagna last night cuz I could. More cheese than I intended, but still quite good. Still can't wait to go home!!!!
It was Adriana at the Green Dragon that got us hooked on it. The Green Dragon is a hobby store about 5 minutes from our house. They have all our addictions - DnD, some 40K, books/comics, and now, beads. They also have some pagan stuff, too. Plus, the folks who own the place are awesome. Very friendly, helpful, and generous w/ discounts when you need them. I found a set of amethyst runes that were absolutely calling to me, and they lowered the price enough for me to buy them. I've studied, but one of my main books disappeared. Grr.
Other than that, my weekend was pretty uneventful. Read some. Played w/ the animals. Made lasagna last night cuz I could. More cheese than I intended, but still quite good. Still can't wait to go home!!!!
Friday, March 28, 2008
Grr and Phooey on Liars
Apparently, my instructor finds the truth to be disrespectful. I explained to her, in class, why everyone was so upset, and that was "disrespectful." Never mind that at least 4 other people I have talked to didn't find it to be in the least disrespectful, and they all agreed it was completely true. Apparently I "disrespected her." I think if someone doesn't want their students to tell them the truth, they shouldn't be teaching college. I don't know anyone, let alone a grown adult, that doesn't mind being lied to. Most of the people I know are the kind that will call you on it in a nanosecond. What is she thinking?
I spoke with the dean about her. Apparently, her other class isn't having the same problems we are. They all love her. We talked for about 20 minutes about why I was upset, and I stated specificallythat it's not just me. She has lost the trust of the whole class, and that's the point. It's not about the difficulty of the test or the grades we got on it. It's about trust. We can't trust her anymore, and that's like a slap in the face for most of us who were raised to expect honesty from our teachers. David Sessoms suggested I speak with her privately, apologize if it felt like we were attacking her, and explain calmly (like I did to him) what the problem was.
I tried to do that yesterday, but she wasn't in class. I guess I'll try again on Monday. *sigh*
On a lighter note, Jerry and I have a fun plan this weekend.
After tidying up the house a bit (so we don't embarrass ourselves), we're going to go around and take pictures of our house and the places we go a lot. That way, we can show how we're doing to all the family when we get home next month. It's silly, but I think it will be fun. Other than that, I expect it to be a slow weekend. I have almost all my final project finished, and I don't have any tests next week. I think it's going to actually be relaxing for a change. Also, it helps that I get off early today. A little too early in my opinion, but that's okay.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
I spoke with the dean about her. Apparently, her other class isn't having the same problems we are. They all love her. We talked for about 20 minutes about why I was upset, and I stated specificallythat it's not just me. She has lost the trust of the whole class, and that's the point. It's not about the difficulty of the test or the grades we got on it. It's about trust. We can't trust her anymore, and that's like a slap in the face for most of us who were raised to expect honesty from our teachers. David Sessoms suggested I speak with her privately, apologize if it felt like we were attacking her, and explain calmly (like I did to him) what the problem was.
I tried to do that yesterday, but she wasn't in class. I guess I'll try again on Monday. *sigh*
On a lighter note, Jerry and I have a fun plan this weekend.
After tidying up the house a bit (so we don't embarrass ourselves), we're going to go around and take pictures of our house and the places we go a lot. That way, we can show how we're doing to all the family when we get home next month. It's silly, but I think it will be fun. Other than that, I expect it to be a slow weekend. I have almost all my final project finished, and I don't have any tests next week. I think it's going to actually be relaxing for a change. Also, it helps that I get off early today. A little too early in my opinion, but that's okay.
Hope everyone has a great weekend!
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Old Mindsets Coming Back to Haunt Me
Is it bad that I expect those in authority above me to not care about those under them?
For example, I have a new instructor at school. She came in halfway through the quarter to replace my original teacher who had to leave. I'm beginning to wonder if she has actual mental problems - either she lies to the class on a daily basis, or she honestly can't remember what she says from day to day. She will mention an assignment, not tell us the due date, then insist in the next class she said it was due that day. Or she will give a due date, then insist she didn't when we try to turn in the assignment. The final straw, though, was the test we took yesterday. She stated, specifically and repeatedly, that the test would be questions pulled from a study guide we created in class, with a few questions from chapter 9 that she added in at the last minute, and one of four essay questions she gave us in advance. She ended last class saying there would be no surprises on the test. The exam she handed us had no questions from the study guide, a different essay question, and ridiculous questions like the title and author of the text book. Granted, most of them were things we should know, but it wasn't what she swore up and down the exam would be. Then she insisted that nothing in the exam should have been a surprise, and if we had been in class we should have know it all. I have been in class. I have perfect attendance and I've never been late. I ended up walking out of the class early because I felt so disrespected by her attitude that if I'd stayed a minute longer I was going to start screaming at her.
Now, my inclination to handle this situation is to not go back to class. Turn in the final project, and never darken the door again. My friends and Jerry say I need to talk to the dean of the school, but I feel that since he hired her he wouldn't have a problem with her behavior. Otherwise, why would he have hired her? I expect that, if I walk into his office and tell him all this, he'll say "Life isn't fair. This is college. Grow up." Despite my preconceptions, I am going to speak with him at Jerry's insistance.
It's not that our dean is mean - he's actually a really nice guy. This behavior is what I expect from all people in a position of authority. I expect that authority to be abused and there to be nothing I can do about it. That's probably why I feel like people are attacking me so much. I always feel completely powerless in a situation with me vs an authority figure. My dad was in the military, and he has the same attitude, so it's just been reinforced my whole life. I don't know what to do about it, though. The thought of trying to challenge authority and being totally shut down terrifies me. I don't have the money to go back on depression medication, so I just want to ignore the situations that might put me back in the mindset that caused the depression in the first place. It's bad enough when I feel that I'm worthless most of the time - having it reinforced at every opportunity is a little more than I can take.
Anyway, I know this attitude probably isn't healthy, but I still don't know what to do about it. Just trying to face down my fear might or might not work. Either it will help, or it will make everything worse. With no middle ground, I prefer to ere on the side of caution and stay silent. Since that option is being denied to me by Jerry, I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
For example, I have a new instructor at school. She came in halfway through the quarter to replace my original teacher who had to leave. I'm beginning to wonder if she has actual mental problems - either she lies to the class on a daily basis, or she honestly can't remember what she says from day to day. She will mention an assignment, not tell us the due date, then insist in the next class she said it was due that day. Or she will give a due date, then insist she didn't when we try to turn in the assignment. The final straw, though, was the test we took yesterday. She stated, specifically and repeatedly, that the test would be questions pulled from a study guide we created in class, with a few questions from chapter 9 that she added in at the last minute, and one of four essay questions she gave us in advance. She ended last class saying there would be no surprises on the test. The exam she handed us had no questions from the study guide, a different essay question, and ridiculous questions like the title and author of the text book. Granted, most of them were things we should know, but it wasn't what she swore up and down the exam would be. Then she insisted that nothing in the exam should have been a surprise, and if we had been in class we should have know it all. I have been in class. I have perfect attendance and I've never been late. I ended up walking out of the class early because I felt so disrespected by her attitude that if I'd stayed a minute longer I was going to start screaming at her.
Now, my inclination to handle this situation is to not go back to class. Turn in the final project, and never darken the door again. My friends and Jerry say I need to talk to the dean of the school, but I feel that since he hired her he wouldn't have a problem with her behavior. Otherwise, why would he have hired her? I expect that, if I walk into his office and tell him all this, he'll say "Life isn't fair. This is college. Grow up." Despite my preconceptions, I am going to speak with him at Jerry's insistance.
It's not that our dean is mean - he's actually a really nice guy. This behavior is what I expect from all people in a position of authority. I expect that authority to be abused and there to be nothing I can do about it. That's probably why I feel like people are attacking me so much. I always feel completely powerless in a situation with me vs an authority figure. My dad was in the military, and he has the same attitude, so it's just been reinforced my whole life. I don't know what to do about it, though. The thought of trying to challenge authority and being totally shut down terrifies me. I don't have the money to go back on depression medication, so I just want to ignore the situations that might put me back in the mindset that caused the depression in the first place. It's bad enough when I feel that I'm worthless most of the time - having it reinforced at every opportunity is a little more than I can take.
Anyway, I know this attitude probably isn't healthy, but I still don't know what to do about it. Just trying to face down my fear might or might not work. Either it will help, or it will make everything worse. With no middle ground, I prefer to ere on the side of caution and stay silent. Since that option is being denied to me by Jerry, I guess we'll just have to see what happens.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
The Good, The Bad, and The Sleepy
Okay, so every day isn't happening at all. That's okay, right? It's my blog, and I say it's okay. :P
Pam bought Jerry and me plane tickets home for his birthday! We're going to be on Texas soil next month!!!! We're coming hooooooooome!
Can you tell I'm excited?
Life has not been all hunk-dory, but it hasn't been that bad.
We had the meeting the other day for Sales Person on the Month. There are different sections of the classifieds - I'm in Inside Sales. Anyway, my boss screwed up, and it potentially cost me Inside Sales Person on the Month. There were two winners, one of which is the person who started the same day I did. They both got 27 points. According to Deseret's calculations, I had 26 points. Unfortunately, she undercounted my total calls answered last month (which is where some of the points come from) by over 200 calls. In other words, I had 27 same as them. Since there couldn't be 3 winners, she is giving me an extra point towards next month.
On the up side, she did something I find very odd, but it's beneficial to me.
Our commission isn't based on actual dollar volume of sales. Every month we have goals of how much we are supposed to sell that month. This goal is called our budget. Our commisions are based on the percent of budget we achieve. Deseret set me a very low budget this month - only $10,000. I've already sold over $24,000 this month. So, in my commision check, it will seem like I sold over 250% of budget. That will mean a very fat commission check - yay! I'm wondering if she's doing it to make up for the fact that the actual award winners received a bonus. I'm not complaining, mind you. If anything, this is why I love my boss. She takes care of her own.
I would probably be alot more enthused if I weren't so tired. I've been hard pressed to fall asleep before midnight the past few nights. I just can't sleep. I wish I could figure out what's causing it so I can stop it. Oh, well. Jerry flipped the mattress around, so the bed is a lot more comfy. Maybe that will do the trick.
That's it for now. Ciao.
Pam bought Jerry and me plane tickets home for his birthday! We're going to be on Texas soil next month!!!! We're coming hooooooooome!
Can you tell I'm excited?
Life has not been all hunk-dory, but it hasn't been that bad.
We had the meeting the other day for Sales Person on the Month. There are different sections of the classifieds - I'm in Inside Sales. Anyway, my boss screwed up, and it potentially cost me Inside Sales Person on the Month. There were two winners, one of which is the person who started the same day I did. They both got 27 points. According to Deseret's calculations, I had 26 points. Unfortunately, she undercounted my total calls answered last month (which is where some of the points come from) by over 200 calls. In other words, I had 27 same as them. Since there couldn't be 3 winners, she is giving me an extra point towards next month.
On the up side, she did something I find very odd, but it's beneficial to me.
Our commission isn't based on actual dollar volume of sales. Every month we have goals of how much we are supposed to sell that month. This goal is called our budget. Our commisions are based on the percent of budget we achieve. Deseret set me a very low budget this month - only $10,000. I've already sold over $24,000 this month. So, in my commision check, it will seem like I sold over 250% of budget. That will mean a very fat commission check - yay! I'm wondering if she's doing it to make up for the fact that the actual award winners received a bonus. I'm not complaining, mind you. If anything, this is why I love my boss. She takes care of her own.
I would probably be alot more enthused if I weren't so tired. I've been hard pressed to fall asleep before midnight the past few nights. I just can't sleep. I wish I could figure out what's causing it so I can stop it. Oh, well. Jerry flipped the mattress around, so the bed is a lot more comfy. Maybe that will do the trick.
That's it for now. Ciao.
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
......Just Breathe....
Ack! Test! Test! Mayday! Mayday!
Extensor Digitorum Longus does not compute!
Pectinius user error!
Peroneus Brevis = invalid data!
Have I mentioned I hate the human muscular system? 'Cuz I do. A lot.
Those of you who do not understand this post, be grateful. I wish I didn't understand it, either, but I have a test over it, and much more, 3 hrs. I think it's time to start praying.
Extensor Digitorum Longus does not compute!
Pectinius user error!
Peroneus Brevis = invalid data!
Have I mentioned I hate the human muscular system? 'Cuz I do. A lot.
Those of you who do not understand this post, be grateful. I wish I didn't understand it, either, but I have a test over it, and much more, 3 hrs. I think it's time to start praying.
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